Sex and the vulnerability

We have sex for many reasons ranging from the thrilling to the mundane. But I don’t get why we get horny when we’re sad and vulnerable. In this post, I’m going to think out loud about this. I think this is welcome relief from the barrage of book reviews that I’ve been flooding people’s feed with.

Back to the topic now; this thought came to me while watching a movie where the protagonist hears of her best friend’s brutal murder and is totally distraught. She wails and flails and finally accepts the grizzly reality of her friend’s death. Then she goes to her friend’s funeral and comes back to work, where her ‘love interest’ (for lack of a better term) also happens to work. It’s a departmental store and she finds that he’s not there. She waits for him and when he arrives, proceeds to tell him all about the abysmally tragic way in which her friend was taken from her. Seeking some comfort, she hugs him and holds on.

Then all of a sudden, she starts kissing him all over the body and takes off her shirt. They then proceed to make love and the story moves forward. But I totally didn’t understand why she had to do that. So I started thinking about it.

And I came to the conclusion that this is our defense mechanism against extremely uncomfortable situations. Sex is known to release endorphin and to make you happy. It must be like taking an aspirin for depression. Quick and easy way to divert your mind off the problem and to feel good about yourself in the process! So, seeking sex in situations of distress totally makes sense.

That was the end of it, but this led me on a tangent. I started wondering how far we can stretch this and I remembered something from a few years back.

In Munnabhai M.B.B.S, Munnabhai (the eponymous hero of the movie) has a habit of giving a jaadu ki jhappi (magical hug) to anyone who’s down. Sure, it backfires once, and he gets slapped hard, but it works every other time! I know anecdotal evidence doesn’t count, but after watching the movie, I felt that I should try being nice to people and showing my appreciation through physical contact. I started hugging people more. In India it is not acceptable to hug people just like that (we never have ‘free hugs’ campaigns, so sad!), so it was difficult to do at first. Where I couldn’t hug (hot girls, dirty people), I patted their back or stroked their arm. But, even that seemed to work!

Even if I was a stranger, a small token of physical contact seemed to make a big impact on people’s mood. In fact, when I first moved into my home in Kochi, I had a language barrier with our watchman who only spoke Malayalam. So, I broke the ice one day by surprising him by placing my hand over his shoulders as he was directing someone and then smiling when he looked at me. Believe me, that watchman always smiles when he sees me! I guess he just remembers that I did something that made him feel good.

We are social animals after all, so I guess we need to be physically comforted. A few years back, when my classmate was successfully wooed by a guy during her ‘vulnerable’ period (not period, period.), I was highly cynical of that fellow who I felt had taken advantage of her situation. But in this light of this new understanding (thanks to the movie LSD: Love, sex aur dhoka, which I heartily recommend), I now feel that it wasn’t just him, it was her too. She must have wanted a shoulder to cry on.. someone to hold her while she tried to cope with her loss and he was there to give her that. If he got a little action in return, what’s wrong with that, ha?

If you read this and you agree/disagree, please tell me, I’d like to know why. Also, I like people who disagree with me. Particularly if they’re female and feeling vulnerable.

P.S. The title is a play on ‘Sex and the City’, in case you missed it (you did, didn’t you?)


  1. that’s awesome….its the bitter truth!bingoooo…u r talented..:)


    1. Why, thank you! :)

      That was fast! Just been 2 minutes since I posted the article.


  2. Nothing wrong with that, ha! :-P

    I don’t see how the truth is bitter.


    1. Me neither! Different strokes.


  3. It’s always a comfort to get or give a hug when you are down. That’s why teddy bears and puppies are so popular.


    1. True! It’s sad how we’re oblivious to the power of a cuddle.


  4. Anish Vyavahare · · Reply

    Who says there are no free hug campaigns in India? I have been part of one in Mumbai. Oh! Ok! India! Yes, no free hug campaigns in India…

    Moving on to physical contact; it is a great mood booster. Scientifically proven and all that. Primes safety, availability of resources and availability of society, in that order.

    Coming to sex during vulnerability; serves a very very specific evolutionary function. If you are in danger or have faced loss (fear/anger depending on flight/fight or sadness in face of loss) you will be horny because if your survival is threatened, you might as well attempt to pass on the genes. Which is why war also sees a tremendous increase in rapes as well as love stories.


    1. So it does have an evolutionary reason! Glad to know that I wasn’t entirely wrong about that.

      About hugging campaigns.. yes, I guess they do happen in parts of Mumbai. Just that I’ve never seen one.


  5. The topic was misleading, I guessed it was the first ever blog on the fear/anxiety boner. Sigh. Good read anyway.


    1. It hasn’t been mentioned explicitly, but Anish talks about something like that in his comment. Check it out.

      On a side note, sex sells, eh? :P


  6. I think it is not exactly feeling horny when one is sad, rather the desire for comfort and connection when one is feeling down. And sex is one of those ways of getting one there!


    1. Absolutely! That horny bit was just a bait to get more people to read :P


      1. It worked, for me at least ;)


        1. Haha! Indeed.

          Thank you for reading. I’m reading your ‘Facing Windows’ post :)


  7. I actually lose my desire for physical affection when I am sad, although when I actually get it I feel much better. Sadness kills my sex drive entirely.


Have your say..

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: